Mind: My Life

My Best Friend!

Khalidah — Sun, 16 Jul 2006 13:03:00 GMT

Last night, I had a call from one of my best friends, in fact; she is my best friend and we go back a very long time. Not only she is my cousin, but she is my childhood companion and the only one I could and still can talk to without having to be careful about what comes out of my mouth.

No matter how long we stay away from each other and no matter how far our meetings are; when we do meet, it is like we have been together only yesterday. There would be no place for making each other feel bad because we don’t see each other that often like before; it is about making use of the current time and enjoying the moment while it lasts.

Once I read that your best friend is the one that you sit with for hours saying nothing and then walking away feeling that you just had the best conversation in your life. This is exactly how I feel about her; sure we had our ups and downs and we had our conflicts and fights but the only thing that these incidents left in our minds is the memory of how we made up each and every time and how we got back stronger than before.

Many people tried to come between us and break us apart but they could not; they used to build wedges by gossiping and making up stories to drift us away from each other but we always found our way back, and that is to each other.

She called me last night because she had read my last article "Disappointment" and she was stuck with one idea; could I be talking about my relationship with her? Could it be that I feel that we don’t see each other that often because I believe that she does not need me anymore and that’s why she is not in touch? My article brought many questions to her mind, but she did not keep those questions to herself and start to pile assumptions and realizations on them; instead; she made use of our transparent relationship and called me to talk about it.

I would like to thank her deeply for doing so because I realize now that many people from those who read the article might have gotten out with the same result, but the casualty of our relationships did not urge them to come to me directly and clarify the whole thing and that is why I am writing these lines.

Sometimes you go through an incident that makes you want to talk and shout your frustration to the whole world; blogs have made that easier for us because they are one of the venting methods one can use to release some of the frustration and bitterness. However; when you blog with your own identity and your blog is somewhat popular and read by most; it makes it very difficult to blog about certain things and makes it even impossible to explicitly talk about certain issues, so what is one to do in this case?

The only way out is to make the topic as general as possible to get the idea out there without making any hints to the individuals who triggered the whole thing, and you hope that they will get the idea without you having to put the word out there for everyone to see.

Some of you might wonder; if you are brave enough to post with your real identity, what are the issues that you cannot or will not talk about? And why would you even care?

I will tell you why.

We are parts of bigger groups or entities or communities … etc. and when you are recognized as part of such backgrounds, you are obliged to maintain their images in front of the public and you cannot defame them on your blog or anyone else's. Without clarifying further; sometimes you are forced to use metaphors or general ideas to get your conviction out there and it is up to readers to get the idea or brush it off.

To my best friend who has made up my day yesterday and brought tears to my eyes when she said that we will always be best friends, to her; you are my soul mate and you are the only one in the world that I can turn to and pour my heart out without any fears of being judged. You keep my secret and you share my happiness and sorrow; I will always be there for you no matter where I was.

I love you!

Disappointment!!

Khalidah — Wed, 12 Jul 2006 13:09:00 GMT

They say: if you don’t want to feel disappointed, don’t raise your hopes or don’t even hope at all! Don’t expect much from others and you will not be subjected to one of the worst feelings ever existed; the feeling of being let down and deep disappointment.

No matter how hard we train ourselves to expect the worst for everything and everyone around us; we cannot but build a few hopes here and there. Unfortunately; people have made it an art to not meet others' expectations or fulfill their hopes.

Human psychology is so complicated and this shows in ways that are never predicted. Sometimes; you would believe that you are a good judge of character and that you can see through people to the extent that they can never deceive you, however; some people get to surprise you after all precautions and preparations.

We tend to think highly of people we like and we tend not to believe that they would ever let us down intentionally, but the fact forces itself on us once and again that these we care about so much might not feel the same about us and to them we are just another person passing their lives for one reason or another. Therefore; when they act with no consideration whatsoever to your feelings and/or reaction, you cannot help but feel the bitterness of disappointment.

What amazes me often that many people actually weigh and evaluate things from their own point of view only, without considering other factors; they only see what's in it for them and never think of consequences.

In this modern age where the machine is taking over many a role of people, we seem to have automated our own way of thinking; we seldom consider the human factor as human, and as the machine has calculated output whenever we give certain input, so should people. So if I was to give a machine the input of A and B, according to the calculations, predictions and equations, the machine must give an output of C and D, no tolerance for mistakes here because this is the way it is supposed to work, hence no disappointment from the outcome.

When dealing with people, it is juvenile to think that if I give a person the input of A and B, the outcome must be C and D, why? Because a human being is a bundle of feelings and emotions that are run by the most complicated machine; the brain; no two people are expected to give the same result and that is why some exceed our expectations and some actually disappoint us immensely.

How many times did we convince ourselves that X would never do this to me because he is my friend only to be surprised later that X was responsible for many of our own heartaches and setbacks? How many times did we give out of love only to be received with rejection and denial from those we care the most about?

These are everyday incidents and we have all suffered from such things at any point of our lives. Some of us have even vowed to themselves never to trust anyone again and to be very careful when dealing with others, but one of our most important features as humans is that we forget, sometimes it is a blessing to forget sour things but sometimes it is not wise to forget what stings like a bee; we should always remember how much it hurt when we let our guard down so that we will not be in the same position again.

From my own experience; no matter how nice others may seem, they are nice as long as you are of benefit to them, once this benefit is over; they really don’t have a reason to be nice to you and so they won't be.

I learned that when people want something from you, they will suck up to you and show you their best; once they get what they want; adios baby!

Disappointment is the thing that happens to newlyweds when they discover that the one they married is completely different from the one they fell in love with or were engaged to.

It is what happens to you when you have worked so hard on yourself to graduate and then once you achieve that, you don’t find practical life easy enough to live. It is what you feel when you cannot find a job and when you do and think that all your problems are over; they shock you with the bad treatment you will get and how they enslave you for the few bucks they give you.

Disappointment is a part of our lives and no matter how much it drags us down; we need to get up again and fight to live the kind of life we want. We cannot allow it to break us in half just because we are not strong enough or the shock was big enough. It is one of the many things that we as humans need to deal with and maybe the best way is precaution; always manage our expectations to take the good and the bad and never trust anyone too much because only those you trust are capable of hurting you so much.

Being fat is not a choice!

Khalidah — Sun, 09 Jul 2006 10:08:00 GMT

It is a lot easier to neglect large people than to admit that they exist! How did I reach this realization you ask? Well, it is very easy; all you have to do is look around you and you will figure it out for yourself.

To clear any confusions in your minds; yes, I am talking about fat people, whether we use terms like large, overweight, obese, big … etc. this does not change the fact that we mean fat. So, let's call a spade a spade and hit the nail right on the head.

Let's look around us and see how fat people are treated in our society. More often than not, fat people are considered with no feelings or insensitive, because let's face it; if they had feelings at all, they wouldn't be fat to begin with, they would do their best to fit their bodies to fit in the community.

Let's go shopping; almost all stores in Amman don't have large or extra large sizes from their merchandize that is displayed. When you find a store once every blue moon that has such sizes; they are tailored for older ages and they are all in dark colors, therefore; fat people are left with three options:

1- Accept whatever the stores throw at you and be grateful that you ever found anything at all; it is true that you will appear a lot older than you real age to which the weight added a few years already, but who is looking? You are not normal so you might as well admit it and move on.

2- Don't accept to wear clothes that are good for your mother or grandmother and go tailor your own wardrobe. If you go downtown, you will find lots of stores that sell nice fabrics; you can choose your favorite colors and pay the stewardess a visit and make your own clothes.

3- Don’t accept that you are different and keep looking for clothes in the stores. You want stylish clothes and you don’t want to surrender to the idea that these models do not fit your body type, so you settle for clothes one or two sizes smaller and you will look uglier than ever because you did not flatter your body by doing such actions.

Being fat in our part of the world means hearing remarks as you are walking down the street, being ogled at when you are eating, getting uncalled for advice from people and being fat deprives you from your rights of leading a normal life; you will not have the chance to love and be loved because who wants to be seen next to a fat person?

Let's take a look at relationships of fat people; almost always; fat people are the clowns of the group; they are the ones who always make fun of themselves, they are the first to laugh if someone dropped a joke about them and they never show that they got upset if someone offended them; after all; fat people are not supposed to have feelings, right?

Fat people are always judged by their size and shape; the majority of people do not pay attention to their personalities; if they had a personality to begin with; they wouldn't have been fat, right? This attitude is passed from one generation to another and we see that our kids are doing the exact same things we do; they treat their overweight counterparts as insensitive and objects for mockery and sarcasm!

Fat people are prejudiced all over the world, however; when we look at the west and how they deal with the issue, it is completely different than what we see in our part of the world. Not only they are treated as human at least formally, but obesity is now officially a disease and is covered by insurance. It is the No. 1 reason of deaths in USA and medical researchers are working on obesity causes and treatments exactly like they are working on any other fatal disease.

In our part of the world, obesity is considered a choice and that is why fat people are treated so badly. The majority of the people have convictions that fat people should be more decisive and determine to lose the weight and thin people almost always throw unwanted advice to them by saying: don't eat too much and you will lose weight.

Fat people hurt from the inside and do their best not to show so that they won't get more advice from those around them. At a certain point; they might even lose all control over their urges and their binging which will make things even worse.

Obesity and overweight have so many types and are caused by a different number of reasons. It is true that the most commonly known type is the one resulting from overeating or choosing the starch and fat rich foods as preferences, however; there are some clinical reasons that cause obesity and this one is the hardest and the most painful. A slight imbalance in the body hormones can cause obesity; certain medications have overweight as one of their most common side effects and emotional disturbance plays a major role in gaining or losing weight.

So, to all people out there reading these lines; cut fat people some slack; it does not make you a better person just because you weigh a lot less and it does not make them bad because they are fat. Also, don’t ever forget that regardless of their sizes; fat people are still human and have feelings that are more fragile than yours and they are easily hurt; their lack of self confidence makes them compensate for it with sharing people's jokes and laughs about them or even starting the joke themselves. They are self conscious and try to make up to their shortcomings by showing the world that they could care less.

Trust me when I tell you these things because I experienced them first hand and I know how it feels and how it hurts to be judged and prejudiced because of your size; it is really ironic how people consciously or subconsciously subtract the weight and size of your brain and experience from your overall size and weight!

Breaking Habits!

Khalidah — Tue, 27 Jun 2006 09:17:00 GMT

Breaking habits is one of the most difficult things in life; it takes a lot of effort, energy, time and determination to break a habit you have. Habits become a second nature to us when we do them all the time and when one breaks them, there are withdrawal issues to deal with.

Sometimes; we are forced into adopting new habits and by default the old ones get out of the way given some time to pass. Other times; we are forced to stop doing something we are used to do because of circumstances and events of life. What is really interesting though; is the fact that when these circumstances are passed and over and you want to get back to your old routine, it is as difficult to get into a habit as it is to break one.

I haven't been functional in the blogosphere for the past couple of weeks because of my surgery. It is really funny how the human body is weak enough to make everything ache when one organ is hurt or wounded; as if this organ is getting all the support from other body parts to help it cope with the pain and heal faster. This is exactly what was happening to me the past couple of weeks; it seemed as if everything was put on hold till my wound is healed and here I am; although I am not 100% functional yet but I am at work and doing my best to get back into my real life one more time and I am telling you; this is not easy!

I thought I should start by writing a post on my blog to get things going again and maybe induce some refreshment in my daily routine. Needless to say; I would like to thank everyone that contacted me during my illness and wished me good health; thank you everyone!

I am almost back!

My name has an "h" and my blog has a "/"

Khalidah — Mon, 05 Jun 2006 10:03:00 GMT

As everyone knows; my name is Arabic but not widely used in the Arab World; it is more used in Iran, Pakistan and Bangladesh. I really do not know what made my parents choose this name for me; maybe because my elder sister's name is Kholoud and they wanted something close.

Growing up; I did not really like my name that much especially that almost all my teachers made a funny face when I said what my name was. At university; my name was always spelled in a wrong way and I was therefore mistaken for a guy.

When I wanted to issue my passport; it was after I finished high school and my father wanted to send me to France to live with my uncle in Nantes and study at its university, so I had to translate my birth certificate to French; hence write my name in French. My name officially became "Khalidah" with an "h" at the end.

This is the name that I used from that day onward. Still; a lot of people remove this "h" when they write my name and this really annoys me and makes me sad at the same time. I do care how I spell everyone's name and I appreciate it when someone brings it to my attention that I misspelled their names.

You might be asking yourself; why is she blogging about this? Well; the answer is very simple: there are a lot of people out there who misspell my name and remove the "h" so instead of sending them separate notes on this issue; I thought it is easier to write a note in my blog about it. I am expressing this freely because I follow this lovely quote by Theodore Seuss Geisel who said: "Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind"

You all matter to me a great deal!

Since we are in the correction mode now; please note that the URL of my blog has a "/" at the end and it is extremely important because if you remove it from the URL, you will get an error of "The Page Cannot Be Displayed", try it:

http://anolita.jeeran.com/mind

Now try:

http://anolita.jeeran.com/mind/

This is a call to anyone that by any chance misspelled my name by removing the "h" and removing the "/" from my blog URL. I thank you for linking to my blog if you are and I thank you to correct the above-mentioned so that all internet records are the same. Please add the "h" to my name and the "/" to my blog!

*Note: For non Arab readers; my name means Eternal or immortal

Friends!

Khalidah — Sun, 21 May 2006 23:05:00 GMT

What is so special about friends? Why do they hold such a high rank in our lives?

When we are born, we do not get to choose our parents or family, we do not get to choose our names, we do not even get to choose our culture or religion as these are all pre-determined by the two people who got together and decided one day; it is time to bring us to the world.

I am reading a nice book these days and in the first chapter; the author asks the reader to imagine that one day he wakes up to find himself in land of giants. They all speak a language he cannot understand, he cannot communicate with them, they laugh at the sounds he is making, he cannot eat their food and all he can get is what they give him. They carry him around and make funny faces at him and then roar with laughter.

Then one day, he finds other individuals that have the same size as him, and they speak his language as well. They eat the same food and share the same interests. From that moment onward, one discovers what friendship is all about.

Friends are those people who understand you in the land of giants, they are those who share your concerns and joys, they speak your language. So, it comes as no surprise that friends play a major role in our lives; we cherish them more than family members at times because we got to choose who our friends are.

I had my share of good friends; I have beautiful memories that are my resort when I feel lonely and sad. I remember all the times we sat and laughed when we did not have worries in life. We used to go out and share everything; our laughs were from the heart; honest as the emotions that tickle your heart when you have a crush on someone.

Days went by and life stole each of us in a different direction; each had a new life and a new path to follow; our paths no longer crossed and we all went on in opposite destinations. It is only rare that you find someone who has the desire to keep the paths crossed despite obstacles, and no matter how hard it is to be consistent; they always find a way to communicate and keep in touch.

On the other hand; there is the other kind of friends. These are the ones that have temporary friendships that end with the stage and whenever you run into them again; you feel like they want to hide or they are not thrilled to see you or even are a bit upset.

One of the episodes of “Sex and the City”, Carrie calls this type “frenimies” as they are neither friends nor enemies; they happen to be a mix of both. I really don’t know when some of my friends turned into frenimies; we just drifted apart and we no longer felt comfortable around each other and with time; we just stopped contacting each other altogether. I know it is sad but that’s the way life goes and only those who are true friends do stick around for the hard times as well as the good ones.

I babbled enough here; and all I want to say is that I really miss my friends!