Mind: Funny

Why not to marry a blogger?

Khalidah — Fri, 28 Jul 2006 17:13:00 GMT

In response to my friend Jad’s post that has the same exact title as my post; I want to share with you why we (girls) should not marry bloggers; what can I do Jad; you really have inspired me ... LOL

1- He will blog about your mood swings and your PMS; not good!

2- Every time he sees you online; he will suspect that you are blogging about him and he will create a big fuss about it both online and offline!

3- Will test you through anonymous comments if you are bad mouthing him or not.

4- He will remove you from his blog roll because he does not want other men bloggers to know your name or that you are married to him.

5- He will rant about wanting kids on his blog and seek sympathy from his fellow bloggers because you want to pursue a career and put off having kids for a while, you insensitive you.

6- He never wants you to comment on his blog because he will take every word you say as personal and a virtual fight will break.

7- He expects you to have at least one post per day describing his wonderful traits as a husband.

8- He expects you to support his decision of buying the huge sound system that he already installed in your living room without even telling you.

9- He will rant everyday about your nightly headaches.

10- You will only discover it through his blog that he bought a new mobile phone, iPod, and the Apple laptop that is on the way.

11- He does not know that you already know about his other secret blog; how could he think that he can pass something like this.

12- He will get angry if you reply to the guys who comment on your blog; you should ignore guys and reply only to gals to salvage his manly ego.

13- You will hear about your burned meals and that you do the laundry only once a week from his blog.

14- He will blog about your long baths and the masks you apply on your face; he wants you beautiful but does not want to know how you do it.

15- He will put a poll on his blog asking about how to cure headaches because Panadol is not doing the trick.

16- He will post about men’s rights to discipline their wives and how God has given them this privilege over women.

17- He will complain about all the money you wasted on the stupid wedding part; his hard earned money.

18- He will rant about your mother and you will only read on his blog how he really feels about your family.

19- He will blog about how you outrageously got upset just because he forgot your birthday and your anniversary.

20- He will get ideas from his readers on what to get you as a gift because he does not really have a clue.

21- You should strict your blog to female readers and declare it as a male free zone.

22- You should be cool about girls commenting how he is a great guy and a wonderful thinker and how lucky his wife is.

23- He will use only colors you hate when he designs his blog because he does not want you to like it there and stay for a long time.

24- He will rant about you wanting him to be in the delivery room; he is a man, don’t you get it? He is not supposed to see these things!

25- He will accuse you of being obsessed with raising your 1 year old son alone just because you did not want him to get the F16 toy for him.

26- You will read on his blog that he works so hard and how you are being insensitive and give him more chores when he comes home, like for example bring the groceries; you should do that for a change.

27- He will post instructions on his blog on how to fix the sink because he is too good of a handy man and does not need to call the plumber, the electrician … etc.

28- There is nothing wrong with men having huge bellies and this does not call for a gym membership.

29- He will complain that you blog more than you cook; he is a man and needs to eat!

30- When you hear his podcasts, you will be surprised that he only talks about marital misery and how staying single is the answer.

31- He will blog about how confusing you are and that all you want to do is talk; there are more important things married people can do you know.

32- He will mention that he is married, but he is a guy you know; he can afford something on the side.

33- He rants about your job and how he is feeling neglected and not taken care of because you have a career.

34- He will blog about his love relationship with the remote control and how you keep trying to drive wedges between the two sweethearts.

35- Baby weight is still weight and you will continue to be careless about yourself until you lose it and fit in the wedding dress again; you read that on one of his latest posts.

36- If wrinkles start showing on your face, if you grow some white hairs, if you start getting tired easily … etc. you are getting older but his bald head and big glasses are signs of maturity and you will hear it from comments on your blog trackbacking to his posts complaining about that.

Anything more girls? ;)

No offense guys! I really like you all but this is only for a good laugh :)

Update:

37- He might have met you through your blog and fell in love with you and your personality ... but after marriage; he forgets all about that and complains about how you love your blog more than you love him ... by the caller

38- You will read a daily rant about your nagging and how you are making his life a living hell because you just don't stop yapping ... by Iman

39- He will send anonymous commentators to your blog to convince you that home is your best place (or convince you with anything else) ... by Shaden

40- When you fight, he will send them to make fun of your posts and put you down. Continue to do so until you shut down your blog. You will know about it from his secret blog :-D ... by Shaden

What a couple of days - Ranting!!!

Khalidah — Mon, 29 May 2006 22:53:00 GMT

Yesterday and today were really something to blog about and that’s exactly what I am doing now! My day yesterday started out with almost falling out of bed after the long weekend and although I did my best to sleep earlier than usual, I really needed another couple of hours to make me human again, but eh! Sleeping does not pay the bills, does it?

After performing my morning rituals of getting ready; I headed out of the door with my sister. It was her first day at her new job and I had to give her a ride, naturally! But to do that, I had to change my daily route in order to drop her. I work in Sweifieh and she on third circle, so I drove from Sahab to the 3^rd circle and then I had to deal with the traffic from there to my office. Needless to say; I arrived at work so depressed and tired; not a good way to start the week!

Work day officially started and things became normal for a while. Some of the team members were at Webex preparing for the opening as we are one of the event sponsors. We were all supposed to be there so we headed towards Hayyat Hotel in the afternoon, my colleagues 7ala, Rasha and Wedad rode with me. Wedad suggested that I park at Zara and since it is my first time there (believe it or not), I did exactly that.

We were stopped, searched and checked; so were the car and our purses. After we were finally allowed in, we took the elevator to the floor that hosts the exhibition but I had to go get my badge and papers for the IAA conference that I am attending the next day; i.e. today!

Calling the lady who called me in the morning to ask where I was supposed to pick them up was of no use; she said go to level B, I asked in which tower? She said: who is this? I identified myself and my company and then she says: is Nisreen there with you? Who the hell is Nisreen and what does this have to do with my question? She said: ok no problem, thank you and she hung up!!

I was fuming and started talking to my cell phone repeating the word; stupid, stupid, stupid!!! I went down all levels and then climbed up again; no use! Finally; I came across someone who recognized me from VIVA article! He introduced himself and strange enough; I had just come across his blog that very same day! Although he works for Maktoob (kidding), but I think that God was looking after me at that time!

Samer told me that I had to go to the hotel to get the IAA papers and complete my registration and off I went. Anyone who knows this hotel well will know that it is not a picnic in the park; it was a long walk! Finally; I arrived that Level B and was able to complete the task I came for, and then headed back.

I had set up an appointment with my dear friend Lina to show her a catalogue of traditional dresses that my mother makes and met her at our booth at webex. We took a small tour around and out of no where; an elderly guy comes to me and insists that he talks to me. I thought that he was about to ask me why I was taking pictures or that he will pitch me about something technical or give me a brochure, but no, it was none of the above. The main reason he wanted to talk to me was that he has a cure for my obesity! He has some magical recipe that will turn me overnight into Miss Jordan; that is if we had one! I said: thank you but I am really not interested, he said: but I can prove it to you, I said: thank you but I really don’t want to, he said: are you sure? It will make you lose weight and I said for the last time: I really, really don’t want to know about it.

Lina was shocked how he had the courage or the nerve to approach me like that and I told her that I am used to these nice gentlemen trying to cure my problem for me; every time I go downtown; someone pops up with yet another magical recipe to lose weight. Lina said that this is worth blogging about and here I am!

She said that she is happy with how I deal with the issue and I told her that I had learned to come to terms with my weight problem and accept these gestures with an open heart and not take them as insults. It took me four long years to understand what lazy thyroid, PCOS and hormonal imbalance really mean and I am doing my best to work on the consequences of all of the above, so I am not going to worry myself with little intrusions like that one.

After I showed Lina the stuff I brought and I hope she liked them, I gave her a short ride to the front of the hotel where she had parked and found my sister waiting for me there, took her and drove to Jebal Al Hussein were I bought some shoes; I promise you that if I did not desperately need to do that, I wouldn’t have gone but that was that.

Finally home at 10:30 and already feeling dead, I saw the family a bit and then tucked in my bed at around 12:00, I was ready to sleep deeply.

I woke up this morning at 7:00, showered and thankfully did not slip like Hala did, and made it out of the house at around 8:00. I dropped my sister at her work and headed back to Hayyat Amman Hotel to attend the first day of IAA conference. This was a whole day event with interesting speakers, but talking about it will have to take another post; probably tomorrow. All I remember now is why the hell did I have so many things in my bag? Boy! it was really heavy! Right now; I really want to get some rest because I had a really long couple of days with little rest in this hot weather; God save us in the summer!

So that’s what "Anonymous" looks like!!!

Khalidah — Mon, 22 May 2006 10:58:00 GMT

Don’t you think this makes a lot of sense? I mean tootsense??

Great caricature by toot's and syntax's one and only; Wael Attili or best known as Sha3teely!!

Thank you Wael for allowing me to use this on my blog!

Attention Ladies of the World!

Khalidah — Mon, 15 May 2006 16:52:00 GMT

Or might I say the ladies of the World Cup?

You know that I am not one to post email forwards or chain stories on my blog, but this was too good to ignore and I would like to share it with everyone!

The Sun UK stated the following: ATTENTION all women - this story just might save your marriage, relationship or boyfriend's sanity during the World Cup.

Below is a list of vital rules for girls wanting to share a home with a footie-mad fella this summer.

In an emotional plea, the men of the world have laid out the dos and don't-you-bloody-dares of tournament viewing which you can print out and stick by your telly.

These include vital pieces of etiquette from beer-in-fridge planning to schoolboy rules like when not to say 'it's just a game'.

And here we've picked the best - doing the rounds on the web as an open letter to the world's women - to ensure the nation's guys and girls make the perfect team this summer.

LIST OF RULES

1. From 9 June to 9 July 2006, you should read the The Sun's sport pages so you are aware of what's going on regarding the World Cup and will be able to join in conversations.

If you fail to do this, you'll be looked at in a bad way or be
totally ignored. DO NOT complain about not receiving any attention.

2. During the World Cup the television is mine at all times - without any exceptions.

3. I don't mind if you have to pass by in front of the TV during a game - as long as you do it crawling on the floor and without distracting me.

If you decide to stand naked in front of the TV, make sure you put clothes on right after because if you catch a cold, I won't have time to take you to the doctor or look after you during the World Cup month.

4. During the games I will be blind, deaf and mute - unless I require a
refill of my drink or something to eat.

You are out of your mind if you expect me to listen to you, open the door, answer the telephone, or pick up the baby that just fell from the second floor....it won't happen.

5. It would be a good idea for you to keep at least two six packs in the fridge at all times, as well as plenty of things to nibble on.

And please do not make any funny faces to my friends when they come over to watch the games. In return, you will be allowed to use the TV between 12am and 6am, unless they replay a good game that I missed during the day.

6. Please, please, please if you see me upset because one of my teams is losing, DO NOT say "get over it, its only a game" or "don't worry, they'll win next time".

If you say these things, you will only make me angrier and I will love you less. Remember, you will never ever know more about football than me and your so called "words of encouragement" will only lead to a break-up or divorce.

7. You are welcome to sit with me to watch one game and you can talk to me during half-time but only when the adverts are on, and only if the score is pleasing me.

In addition, please note I am saying "one" game, hence do not use the World Cup as a nice cheesy excuse to "spend time together".

8. The replays of the goals are very important. I don't care if I have seen them or I haven't seen them, I want to see them again. Many times.

9. Tell your friends NOT to have any babies, or any other child related parties or gatherings that requires my attendance because:
a) I will not go,
b) I will not go, and
c) I will not go.

10. But, if a friend of mine invites us to his house on a Sunday to watch a game, we will be there in a flash.

11. The daily World Cup highlights show on TV every night is just as
important as the games themselves. Do not even think about saying "but you have already seen this...why don't you change the channel to something we can all watch?" The reply will be: "Refer to Rule #2 of this list".

12. And finally, please save your expressions such as "Thank God the World Cup is only every 4 years".

I am immune to these words, because after this comes the Champions League, Italian League, Spanish League, Premier League, etc etc.

Thank you for your co-operation.

Regards,

Men of the World