Cinnamon Zone: Diaries and personals

When Your Mind Says Goodbye and Goes for a Walk

Sat, 31 Oct 2009 23:52:38 GMT

Have you ever wondered where your mind has been on a particular moment? You know those things that are real and happened for real yet they seem to be completely wiped out of your consciousness, as if for a moment you stepped out of yourself and went to live in another world…

Few moths ago I was with a friend in Mecca mall, and you know how hard it is sometime to find a certain store, especially after the extension, I imagine it can really work for one of those cut-throat challenges on Survivor or something…

So we were standing in the middle of the mall trying to decide which way to go to reach a certain store, I guess it was Accessorize, you know that place that looks all colorful and sparkly yet when you get in, even if to buy some cheesy gift for a little girl most of the things are grossly overpriced so you end up buying nothing? Anyway…

We were discussing which way to go, finally agreed on how to go about it, checked out some stores finally sat to have some lunch. So as we were having lunch (more of a supper), or maybe just before that I can't really remember but it's really irrelevant, my friend said out of nowhere:

"It's wired how some guys put themselves in awkward situtations"

I was curious why she was saying that so I asked her what's the occasion for this, so she said:

"That guy that came up to you while we were deciding on which way to go"

I was like, "what guy?"

So she said, "That guy, he stopped in front of you and asked you "where do you want to go?" and you completely ignored him so he went on his way! I was surprised actually at how spontaneously you handled the situation"

Well that's because I didn't even see or hear the guy! I couldn't remember any of that, as if there was a mist screen that made me not see him or as if that moment was blocked out so it didn't register to my conscious mind!

I wondered that maybe he was someone I know and he was trying to say hi in a rather unusual way, I don't know but I hope not because it might've made me look really bad!

I'm still curious… who on earth was that person, why didn't I see him and most importantly, was that the only time something like this happened?

If only there was a way to know!

Epedimic at a Funeral

Fri, 30 Oct 2009 13:30:00 GMT

Although he had lung cancer, his death came as a surprise to everybody. Few months ago they said the cancer has taken a tight grip over his lungs and he was a goner. A while after that the good news came that he was doing amazingly well, he even went on a few months later to open a new Medical complex, after all he was a doctor and his job was to save lives. Everything seemed to be working out well, until a patient came in and sneezed.

It didn't take the H1N1 much time to claim his life. His immune system was fried with all the chemo, and within few days his family received a phone call just before dawn, telling them that their beloved father and husband has passed away.

He was a good man, and he had such a great family that we all loved, so it was only natural that people would pour in to pay their condolences. As soon as we saw the mother and the children we hugged them and cried with them, despite the warnings of not making too much contact out of fear that the swine flu might still be hovering over his loved ones.

His wife spoke about how he used to spend Ramadan nights praying and reading Qur'an, how he used to do the prayers even when he was in the ICU, and how sometimes he couldn't finish because he'd passed out. She'd alternate between crying out of sorrow and smiling at the good memories she had of him.

Just before we left the wake a certain piece of news spread like wildfire. His daughter also had, or maybe still has the swine flu. Well, what can you do other that hope that you didn't catch any of it…

As we left the wake we began exchanging stories about the people who attended. Some people had anti-bacterials that they used all the time. Someone came in with a mask dangling on his chest, which he clearly got rid of when he saw that no one else is using one. Someone arrived at the house but decided that he's not getting in and took of.

So at last we all concluded that we might have been exposed to H1N1, but what can you do? You just pray that it doesn't hit you, but even if it did, it might not be the worst thing in the world. According to my uncle's wife, people who get the swine flu this year should consider themselves lucky, for the virus is relatively mild now, while next year it could be more developed and more powerful.

The bottom line is that it's just another flu, you just need to take the right antibiotic for it, which is the Tamiflu. If you get the symptoms, don't just take any kind of antibiotic because antibiotics could be dangerous if taken wrong. So there's really no reason to panic, they even are not keeping people at hospitals anymore, if you go to a hospital complaining about swine flu symptoms they just give you the Tamiflu and tell you to stay home for a week.

On the bright side, I woke up this morning to find that my mother had prepared two jugs of fresh citrus juice. Well, we can use some vitamin C you know!

May Allah rest the doctor's soul in peace, and give us whatever is better to have, flu or no flu!

Sugar Rush

Fri, 09 Oct 2009 14:11:00 GMT

So, I'm at home working on this episode on the Doctors where they talk about calorie burning and exercises and what not, so they bring a blueberry muffin and ask how much exercise it takes to burn the calories from it. 33 minutes of jogging or 115 minutes of weight lifting. Well, that's too much if you ask me, so being a person with a very sweet tooth I started rationalizing right away, like "yes but if you eat it in the morning and you're active throughout the day bla bla bla… anyway. I've been craving something sweet since I woke up this morning and this just made it worse! Because when I want something sweet I really mean it! I don't negotiate much with my body or try to say that it's fooling me, you want sugar, sugar it is!

So, I was bored and I already needed to buy some stuff so I decided to go to Miles in Mecca mall to get the things I needed and something sweet and sugary and maybe a little bit chocolaty…

So, I finished my shopping and among other things I bought a yogurt fruit snack (don't let the name fool you, it's not THAT healthy) and a decadent marzipan and dark chocolate bar. Now I don't usually eat when I'm driving but this was serious business. I needed my sugar! I even suspect that some of my mood swings may be caused by missing out on my daily dose of sugar. So, I opened the package of the fruit snacks, and followed that with the marzipan bar, but I was surprised when I started to feel my blood sugar going up half way through the bar. I thought that was good because usually my threshold for sugar intake is very high. I could consume large quantities of sugar before feeling the need to offset the balance. So, I wrapped the rest of the bar, put it in my handbag and drove on.

As I was driving on in euphoric manner, be it a nice Friday morning, very light traffic, with all that sugar in my blood it occurred to me as I was passing the spot where I was fined twice for speeding, it occurred to me to look at the meter, and there came the surprise! I was doing 110 km/hr! Of course the speed limit there is 80 km/hr, which means 90 km/hr earned you a 20 JD's ticket and 110 would probably cost you a little bit more. Thankfully the under-cover patrol car wasn't there but it wasn't only about this, I have never driven on the street with this speed! And I didn't even feel it! I imagined what if one of those big trucks came in from the side-road on the right or what if the car in front of me suddenly decided to slow down?

Anyhow, thank God nothing happened. I finished the marzipan bar before I got home while thinking that I should never have sugar while driving, got home to continue working on doctors, thinking that I should share some of those healthy tips, but to say that I learned my lesson, well, let's hope so.

I Am Life

Sun, 27 Sep 2009 09:29:56 GMT

You look at me and you wonder how something this small can make the hearts of the most powerful men shiver, You marvel at how something so tiny and so helpless can provoke feelings you've never known you had, you stand before me speechless, overwhelmed, eyes filled with tears, heart overcome with emotion, mind racing with unspeakable thoughts, all materialized in one timeless fact: I'm the miracle of life.

I'm joy bundled, innocence personified, hope renewed, love defined, faith fortified, dreams coming true, life in its purest form…

I'm beauty untainted: a cloud formation on a summer day, the first rays of sunshine caressing the surface of the ocean, the ripple of a stone in a crystal-clear lake, I'm the reflection of a smile in a mother's tear…

I'm a proof that God exists, truth unquestioned, humanity unaltered…

I'm not the eyes with which you see, not the tongue with which you speak, not your heart that beats with life, not the air you breathe, not the blood that runs in your veins, not the light that guides your way, but I'm a part of all that, and with that you shall cherish me…

I'm a wave leaving the shore, a gust of eastern wind, a touch of flawless Art, a refuge from the complex, a taste of the mystic…

I'm here, I'm finally here.

** Welcoming baby Malik to the world

On writing, and Other Things

Thu, 10 Sep 2009 00:11:43 GMT

I can't remember the last time I wrote something just for the sake of writing, if ever, but the thing about writing as I came to learn is that even when just write without a certain purpose in mind, you begin to have more and more reasons to write. Your thoughts start to pour in, sometimes they are cascading that you don't know where to start or how to stop. It's an independent form of thinking, it's like thinking loud but silently at the same time, sharing your thoughts and feelings with a white sheet or a plain document, sometimes you go on to share it with the world and sometimes you just erase everything and keep it for yourself. If only those blank sheets could speak…

What goes on inside, stays inside

I've been doing much mental blogging lately. You know when you're at work or on the street and you see something or think of something and one thing leads to another, I always open a blank page in my mind and start putting my thoughts together in words. Yet, I rarely make the time to let it materialize into an actual blog post or even a facebook note. And this is making me feel bad, first because it makes me feel that I'm losing my ability to write, and second because this blog means a lot to me, it's a part of who I am and I hate to see it deserted.

Aloneness VS Loneliness

Another thing that has been bothering me recently is that I don't enjoy being alone like I used to. I used to love to go somewhere quiet on Friday mornings, spend sometime alone with my laptop or a book, it was one of my favorite pastimes. But now, I don't know if I'm just being lazy or that my feelings are changing from loving my aloneness and privacy to fearing loneliness. Now I want to be around people most of the time, although before I used to say that I have no problem staying alone for hours. I don't know if that's a good or a bad thing, maybe it's both, I know it's good to get more social but I don't want to lose the bond I have with myself, as weird as that may sound.

Tubby

Tubby has been giving me such a hard time lately, I had to draw the line. You know how when you think about something and you know it's wrong and silly but you just keep thinking about it because the nagging brat inside keeps bringing it up? I had to think out loud sometimes. I think Tubby is growing up, or maybe I am.