The Caller: Suckers

What pisses me off at 3:30 am

Mon, 26 Jan 2009 03:56:00 GMT

I logged in to Jeeran to get myself started on a quick rant when i noticed a new blog on the site called: How to get girls!

That could pass under my nose easily but i noticed the published post called: Dance floor approaches!!!

Now, please...for the love of god...Dance floor approaches?!!!

Is it the fifties and i got lost in a time swirl??

It's as if someone jumped out of " Dirty Dancing " the movie!

I do not think who ever hits dance floors nowadays doesn't know how to get girls and how to " approach them "...needless to say that the whole concept of getting girls is irrrrrritating, It sounds like getting a pack of cigarettes or getting ****.

It's things like that that get on my nerves especially when i woke up disturbed at 3 am for NO reason whatsoever although I have work at 7 am and i need the sleep after the shitty day i just had at the office...

I can't be entering the endless circle of insomnia again, can I??

It has been a nice while...getting enough sleep every night like all SANE people...not having to wake up mad nearly at dawn to find silly posts about dance floors...phhhhlease!

I was about to call the whole ranting and posting at such late hour off but seeing Ms. FOKO (aka someone else) posting another meaningless saggy post about some love bla bla blrrrrrrra and sticking that small head of hers onto that fake slim body using photo shop ( and she is NOT slim ) just to create a freak looking head is as irritating as the "get the pack of girls post".

Yes, I admit I was already pissed off and drained from sickness and a huge fight at the office...I just recognized that it's that time of year again when I would get all proud and stuff and stand up for the boss' bullshit till I leave the office.

It happened last year around this time...Maybe It's the quitting season or arguing season or something...who knows!

I still have my company to run to if things went crappy at the office, right?? right!

back to blogging, and why the hell would anyone bother us with all the: quit, won't quit, quit, ohhh ma2dertesh 3ala bo3dak sanya won't quit blogging thingie...

No one gives a shit really and even if someone did actually give a shit, you can't really be serious and bounce between decisions in less than a day...Be a man sucker!! Quit!! or don't Quit :D

On a last note, I don't want to know fawa2ed albabooneg nor the dream someone had of hell and how I'll burn in it if I didn't forward the email to a thousand people...Hell, I don't know a thousand people you moron!!! and guess what, Babooneg your a**!

The most silent cry

Wed, 17 Dec 2008 23:15:00 GMT

Problem is, I know what to do...I'm not puzzled, I'm not reluctant and I'm not weak.

I know I have to go to the kids' school in the morning and meet the manager...I have the scenario in my head...I can hear me talk...I can see them argue and driving me crazy, I realize teachers attitudes as I've been one before.

I can see myself ask for the manager, tell him no word but firmly ordering: Call for the P.E. teacher and I won't say anything else till she comes!

He would try to wit me out of anger...the religious way of course ( He's Religious)...she would come and I would make a HUGE effort not to punch her in the face only because I wanna discipline myself and by that i hope to teach her a lesson about self discipline enough to contain her self next time she gets THE SICK urge to use violence against a CHILD!!!

I'm taking a breath now because I really really make a huge effort ( it seems I'll be doing that a lot ) to hold my angry tears and the dirtiest dictionary!

I know every mother sees her kids as the best...but, can you take my word for it???

My kids are very naughty AND very polite at the same time and I've been praised for quite that because they seem as innocent and active as kids should be but in the most contained childish manners anyone could want in his kid...I am proud...and that is mostly what makes me more mad and sad...THEY DON'T deserve this!

The P.E. lady teacher punished hassan ( 8 years old ) for choosing another activity but her class by :

Pulling his hair ( yes, 7abeby has very beautiful relatively long hair )
10 times running around the track
100 times sitting and jumping continuously

He cried from the rough hair pull and the leg pain and she wouldn't stop so she made him do some more jumps...he returned home crying and traumatized...and he demanded me acting upon it confirming that he WILL NOT attend her class again as he skipped her class at the first place because of her bad treatment and pinches.

Knowing that at 4 pm after school hours...while I'm having an argument with my boss...beat tired and very anxious, left me breathlessly angry and sad and I've been helping frustrated tears till this moment...because I'm gonna, forced, have to wait till tomorrow to go over there and let it all out.

Why does all the shit in the world hit my fan and my fan only??? why do I have to spend all my life suffering and struggling because of circumstances, people, this damn system, cruelty, injustice, what's right, myself and my urges and my desires and my freakin' work that i happen to twistedly love...my love...my fuckin' heart ( no, I will not calm dow nor tone it )...my zillion thought/ minute...staying in control...staying passionate...maintaining something...fighting...protecting my kids...supporting my friends...stressing on myself neglecting the sicknesses and painful days because even physically i have to keep going. I am drained...drained...and i ache for what my kids go through and what they might go through and the kind of dad they have and the kind of mom they have and the kind of life they would have if i would be ill not be able to work and provide for them or if i die or if the freakin country goes into crisis or if they would get sick...I'm scared, frightened, terrified...as it is and i play normal and push myself further and test my limits everyday as it is...and pray for Allah's help and mercy...SO, I need no more shit from a sick bitch at school corrupting my sons mind...Making him hate sports because it is NOW a punishment not a good thing...making him feel demeaned and humiliated...I can imagine what my proud son felt when he was held by the hair hard and dragged in front of the whole school at the yard...

I did not pick a bad school...It is not a freakin cheap school...It is SUPPOSED to be religious with good knowledge abilities and language as well...

after all that...I know and realize I can't loose my temper and enjoy being the angry mom tomorrow when i meet her...I have to be the firm intimidating reasonable dad...yet again, haven't I done that all the time already?!!!

Damn, I almost forgot!

Update:

At seven am I drove the kids' to school and waited for the manager to show up...to make a long story short...I said what i had to say to the teacher, manager, deputy manager and two supervisors...I was firm, subtle and very righteous and that shut them up and almost didn't hear but apologies and promises along with confirmations that they have the same rules i believe in.

I left the school knowing I had delivered the message just as i wanted...I know that the teacher wouldn't come near a child for at least - hope longer - some time...I know my kids will be safe for quite some time...I'm calmer...yet, I hate the fact that i had to give smooth intimidating messages to assure a fair reasonable treatment for my kids, which is supposed to be normal around any school.

But, If that is a corrupted system within a bigger governmental system...reality is, people - system or not - na2seen tarbeya oo ta3leem ...I won't say anything more but a reply of the teacher when i clarified the fact that she's making the child hate sports and that violence is NOT accepted...she asked: 2omal a3aqbo ezzay??!!!!

needless to say

I was about to call her every name in the book describing Ignorance and stupidity...the manager told her: I will teach you what to do!! you are dismissed now!

Rabena yostor!

About blogging / 2007

Sun, 30 Dec 2007 13:57:00 GMT

Yes, It's different than 2006...way different.

It has more wit and attractive writing styles with loads of skills...Lacks Spirit and warmth big time!!

It has become more of a tribal socio- intellectual act...Less merged with different oriented identities and personalities...small parties in a box!

It has become more Bold with a new fresh wave of fearless Arabs who live abroad...the thing that saved them from the social/ traditional calculations local Arabs were raised with.

Trendy...not so authentic.

Glamorous...blinging with characters and thoughts, specially that most of the new drift blog anonymously.

Rude people turned soft and soft ladies are more sharp tongued than ever...

I guess no wonder why I deactivated My face book account...I had no time for it's Jam plus my good old blogging which i enjoyed for the past 20 months.

People came and went and new people came to blog...some old bloggers changed style to cope and some maintained their originality.

Mais*, Neverland, M.M, Sarah, Jerusalem, Afzal, Danah...and many more, I missed you...wishing you all the best.

Fadi, Khalidah, 7ala, Abed ....and others, you're so lazy :P

Summer...Hat tip for keeping the originality and the spirit of your blog yet adding more with the new one.

As for me reality blogging was just like reality living...no one accepts you easily if you changed or sounded different not that i give much of a d*** but hey, I notice.

Just like i noticed several blogs with great skill flooding from them: that guy, organic muslimah and the dancer who liked to read.

It has been nice to me...not so good and not bad, except for one nasty thing...I discovered that a certain Blogger went around his air headed friends bashing me among other several female bloggeretts...I had two choices, either a great nasty campaign to really wipe the net with this dude or just neglect that pervert. and i would've gone for the first except for the busy schedule I'm always loaded with.

Why would he do that ? I really have no idea but if he's so sick that he bashes people around just to gain points then I should feel sympathy not anger...and I'm sure my friends who know me and whom i only care what do they think...will never believe him.

To wrap it all up...writing is therapeutic...empties the mind and soul from day to day frustrations and thought traffic.

Every single blogger I had the chance to meet face to face never failed my high expectations.

It's so personal, to me yet so common and i never felt scared from the huge, wide and hiding eyes behind the screens of the Net.

I played yet simple...and I wish everyone a Simple, nice and peaceful new year :)

I'll be taking a loooong virtual nap from this blog...I'll try to master that guitar thing :) yeah...i'm learning :) maybe i can let it out some other way..

See you later...Happy 2008 :)

Death...and birth, over a cup of coffee!

Wed, 12 Dec 2007 11:03:00 GMT

We were having my usual coffee at a shop i never stepped feet in before, It was his invitation and his suggestion that I was glad to accept as we haven't been talking lately and he has been once a real good friend .

He was one of the exceptions among my friends as I dislike gigolos very much and wouldn't normally become friends with the type but he was not like that with me and I could always feel some kindness within him...kindness is the main thing i chersih in people and I believe if we had that all could go well sooner or later...he really took me as an understanding friend who would listen and share.And I was his exception - as he claims - I was the only female friend he ever had...he was used to only one track thinking regarding females that would usually end up with the type who'd end in his bed!

Being the Hunk he is and being - in my opinion - troubled since childhood in a way that made him only think this way towards girls gave him a wide range of nasty experiences that appeared to make him cocky...he would refer to him self laughing as the handsome devil!

He's the kind of person that is so full of crap yet he tells it clear...He is one of the children of September by the way...

we started exchanging the hellos as usual bulletining each other with the most recent events in work and so...and normally i would ask in a funny way How were the chicks? and i never expected the answer...He said: I'm over this crap...Never Again! and i saw severe pain in his eyes...I almost saw the glow of a hesitant tear.

I demanded further explanation as pain and hurt coming from HIM was actually weired and boy...did he start talking!!!

He knew this woman that he got with every once in a while...she was from the same nature and living the same life...I had heard about her before and knew their story...And unexpectedly to them she became pregnant!

Not like in the movies and because they shared no feelings but sexual they didn't get married...but decided to get rid of the baby...the woman was more than five months pregnant and all he could think of is that he has to be there for her during the abortion...he is a man you know and gada3 and so !!! Disgustingly enough...till she entered the operation room he felt nothing but care for her...after a while..waiting in the pit hole they called clinic- it's an inhuman nasty filthy place to commit crimes in- he saw the weired nurse coming out with a bloody towel that contained something...unconsciously he stopped her and looked to see what was it...It was the fetus...his fetus...his baby...the fetus was alive...looked just like a chewed up tiny heart that was pulsing hard with slight features of a baby...and as his heart was actually burning him alive...feeling the most hurtful feeling he had ever known... life was going away from the fetus...his soul was taken away and his heart was about to stop as this fetus just stopped living....he couldn't see anything...his tears filled his eyes and throat ...he sat down not believing what he had just seen...aching from what he was feeling...hating himself and realizing for the first time the meaning of what he had always thought of as Fun and something macho to be proud of...the games of fake love and sex weren't hot any more...He knew that his manhood was about giving another life to life...something more holy and profound than living like a car that would park anywhere...even in a trash dump just to feel good for a few moments.

What was always cheap and easy to him revealed itself to be a secret of life and a meridian of souls...And Instantly he declared total and final remorse and decided to never ever treat his humanity and others with such disgrace again.

A soul had to be eliminated before it was born to teach him a life changing lesson.

He hopes we could all open our hearts to virtues before hurt scars us forever.

As for me I witnessed death.....and birth, Over a cup of coffee.

And I'll leave my feelings to your Imagination.

Move along and don't read me

Sat, 10 Nov 2007 11:42:00 GMT

I'm gonna include some irrelevant photos just cause i liked it there..the place i mean..yet also it was astonishing to realize how sick it was to live those couple of days the way i lived them!

It's like an emotional changeable mode...the disgusting part is that it's Adapted to others...imagine how exhausting that is?

You probably don't know what I'm talking about so please let me articulate although i know this is one NOT supposed to be published post but then again...what the hell!!

Porto Marina is a great place for lovers..relaxed couples Or cute families but NOT for disoriented singles.

A Luxurious room with a amazing sea view...and palms surrounding that shore with intimate light and amazing non stop great music..Freaking' alone isn't exactly fun...but i relaxed ..tried to enjoy and kept the thinking mill rolling and hurting.

It was a single refreshing yet not very satisfying night...it passed and to Alex...my dream city i went.

Alex is a beautiful beautiful place to go to especially winter time...it's glittering and shiny...waves are a great sound that would tickle your senses and with the sea view AGAIN i had a great couple of days...completely doped and in a dream I've always wished for...

And like life it had to end and while I'm driving back on the rainy highway...yeah it rained real good...have i told u i love rain and cloudy skies? Well i do...it beats the sweaty summer anytime!

Driving back...thinking non stop of the madness i got myself into and the crooked sick situation i let myself fall for...realizing how strange one can be when he adores something that is so wrong, hurtful, humiliating and yet seems to have an amnesiac state when ever it hits then awakes under piles of shit that can't be rinsed off..

Why are things this way...why i know that yet get paralyzed and crazy??

I have no ****** idea.

After months of trying to cure and mend and logic things right...AGAIN I'm back to square one..ZERO i mean!

Distortion ain't the meaning...this is not occupying for the sake of it and this is not just any fault..

This is knowing and believing the truth yet ignoring it for a lie.

This is facing reality within and screaming from fear.

Am i loosing it again? i don't want to be the fragile disturbed soul...i wanna be tough like i am...i wanna kill the bastard that weakens me...the bastard inside.