The Caller: Addiction

A sunday to vent

Sun, 11 Jan 2009 10:34:00 GMT

Eno has been my friend for the past ten years or maybe more...we have the understanding, our set of jokes and we know each other inside out...we are so close at times of crisis and when we are forced to be distant. Just like now as she left the country for a scholarship...now, her being far is bringing us closer. That's weired if you ask me but, as we always are, this is me and this is her and that's the way it is...so, we are that type of friends...I might not see her for months although we live five minutes apart...but, Enka, I already miss you already.
I have this thing with cutting a cake and presenting it. I noticed that in the West they'd give you a piece of a cake laying on it's side...I would cut you a piece and plate it standing in the normal positions where all the frosting appears and not smudged...If it'd fall i would set it straight again. I wondered why we are different...Is it an east and west perspective?? I wondered, then I got it...hurray! They slice it thin...we take quarter of a cake each...of course theirs won't stand...it's so thin...it has no butt to rest onto...while we...ohhhh, we have the butts alright.
Speaking of food...no, I had no cake since the birthday party Inso threw me...yet, Quiting the smokes, freezing weather and having long vacations have caused (all excuses i know) despicable seizures of chocolate, marshmallow and...chocolate indulgence...Oh, and speaking of that...I have to greet Dear Inso for the amazing night companionship of six seasons of Scrubs to level my depression a bit.
I did vent out during the weekend, I did at some point decide to spare myself the headache of discussing a subject I really care about - when i care i get hyper tension - when i know it won't lead to anything or with someone that won't get it...yet, I lack self control at times...I got the hyper tension and the headache and l3ant salsafeel elly gabo ahl el discussions elly fe eldonia...what really amazes me is the amount of Jerks who feel arrogant enough to add to their jerkness a pile of crap by being condescending...kaman!!!
My kids hate my new hair color...kids are honest and simple so they simply gave me an honest opinion...they said: Mama, loon sha3rek we7esh awi ( your hair color is ugly ) and they had a confused look on their faces. thing is, a while ago i thought i'd refresh things with spicing up the contrast a bit and giving myself a darker shade of hair...i did, it came out black...it's a shock to say the least...it was dramatic...Adams family kind of dramatic...had to get Mama's saying on the matter, she said: rabena khala2 el blonds and el brunettes and khala2 ma3ahom a character to match...this is not you. yes, mom, it's not...and change can't be that severe...and no one can change who they really are... not even for the sake of more spice or more drama. and now I'm talking about life...not the hair.
I have a friend in Gaza. It's a group i joined because i do have a friend in Gaza...My friend in Gaza doesn't hate Egyptians, doesn't exaggerate, doesn't mislead others although he is the one suffering the long cold dark nights and taking all the fighter jets and its missiles. He knows we have a foolish crappy government, but he also knows that people of countries are helpless in so many ways....Now, people around the Arab world and within Egypt...people who are enjoying the comfort of their warm luxurious homes...watching hayfa on their LCD and driving around safe streets in their fancy cars are judging Egyptians, hating Egyptians and cursing Egyptians. I believe my point is obvious, I will not explain no more.
I have a brat for a boss and although the motherhood flooding in me can take his childish annoying behaviour...but not that childish nor that annoying behaviour. so, I smell a fight in the air...when he decides to come by the office sometime for a change and handle some work of course!!!!

Tags...the skeleton in my closet!

Mon, 31 Mar 2008 18:40:00 GMT

I'm letting go of all worries and I'm slamming the bloggospheric wall ( if such name exists ) with the hidden truths about me along with the purpose I blog...hope no one freaks out on me...

First I was tagged by Jerusalem my dear dear palestinian super passionate friend who lives in Jordan yet always dream of Jerusalem the holly city....she asked why have i been blogging and the answer is simple: I started with an invitation for others to find happiness through faith and reached - for now - the point where i try to talk my self into what i once invited others to through documenting the change in me and analysing the thoughts....not that simple ha?!!

all and all, to the majority I'm just ranting.

Then Miss Promise as i would like to call her - with her permission of course - aka Lost within wanted to know ten things about me....here you go dear:

I feel very very against men buying me things even a cup of coffee regardless how close or related they are...i feel irritated and won't rest till i return the favour + +
I have very sensitive skin...a scratch could scar me forever ( some thing goes for my soul )
I hate blond men...can't stand their sight!
I feel sorry for all creatures even ants, roaches and snakes.
I don't like Om Kolthoum at all...as a character and as a type of singing regardless that she has great voice capabilities.
Can't hold a laugh no matter the situation, whom I'm with and how important it's for me to be silent.
I have a weired attraction towards men who turn to be andal rasmi, cruel and self centered and I do get so weak and blind to be dragged to their filth - I guess i'm not so good myself - with only one exception in my whole life.
I sing....just love it and inherited musical taste and ears from my dad Allah yer7amo.
I dream of inventing something that would make the police know what happened as any victim went through before they die.
My teen interests were: Fighter Jets, Music and wearing as much moose, Jell and - please don't laugh - 7 Up on my hair as possible to make it frizzy!

** Now I tag Jerusalem, Mais*, Sharifo, Hamede and Summer only if u'd like to.

Guys, I'm so pissed off today.

Have a good night.

Death...and birth, over a cup of coffee!

Wed, 12 Dec 2007 11:03:00 GMT

We were having my usual coffee at a shop i never stepped feet in before, It was his invitation and his suggestion that I was glad to accept as we haven't been talking lately and he has been once a real good friend .

He was one of the exceptions among my friends as I dislike gigolos very much and wouldn't normally become friends with the type but he was not like that with me and I could always feel some kindness within him...kindness is the main thing i chersih in people and I believe if we had that all could go well sooner or later...he really took me as an understanding friend who would listen and share.And I was his exception - as he claims - I was the only female friend he ever had...he was used to only one track thinking regarding females that would usually end up with the type who'd end in his bed!

Being the Hunk he is and being - in my opinion - troubled since childhood in a way that made him only think this way towards girls gave him a wide range of nasty experiences that appeared to make him cocky...he would refer to him self laughing as the handsome devil!

He's the kind of person that is so full of crap yet he tells it clear...He is one of the children of September by the way...

we started exchanging the hellos as usual bulletining each other with the most recent events in work and so...and normally i would ask in a funny way How were the chicks? and i never expected the answer...He said: I'm over this crap...Never Again! and i saw severe pain in his eyes...I almost saw the glow of a hesitant tear.

I demanded further explanation as pain and hurt coming from HIM was actually weired and boy...did he start talking!!!

He knew this woman that he got with every once in a while...she was from the same nature and living the same life...I had heard about her before and knew their story...And unexpectedly to them she became pregnant!

Not like in the movies and because they shared no feelings but sexual they didn't get married...but decided to get rid of the baby...the woman was more than five months pregnant and all he could think of is that he has to be there for her during the abortion...he is a man you know and gada3 and so !!! Disgustingly enough...till she entered the operation room he felt nothing but care for her...after a while..waiting in the pit hole they called clinic- it's an inhuman nasty filthy place to commit crimes in- he saw the weired nurse coming out with a bloody towel that contained something...unconsciously he stopped her and looked to see what was it...It was the fetus...his fetus...his baby...the fetus was alive...looked just like a chewed up tiny heart that was pulsing hard with slight features of a baby...and as his heart was actually burning him alive...feeling the most hurtful feeling he had ever known... life was going away from the fetus...his soul was taken away and his heart was about to stop as this fetus just stopped living....he couldn't see anything...his tears filled his eyes and throat ...he sat down not believing what he had just seen...aching from what he was feeling...hating himself and realizing for the first time the meaning of what he had always thought of as Fun and something macho to be proud of...the games of fake love and sex weren't hot any more...He knew that his manhood was about giving another life to life...something more holy and profound than living like a car that would park anywhere...even in a trash dump just to feel good for a few moments.

What was always cheap and easy to him revealed itself to be a secret of life and a meridian of souls...And Instantly he declared total and final remorse and decided to never ever treat his humanity and others with such disgrace again.

A soul had to be eliminated before it was born to teach him a life changing lesson.

He hopes we could all open our hearts to virtues before hurt scars us forever.

As for me I witnessed death.....and birth, Over a cup of coffee.

And I'll leave my feelings to your Imagination.

Attractive nuisance

Mon, 05 Nov 2007 11:09:00 GMT

As sweet as candies are...as yummy as marshmallows...they can choke to death and that's exactly what love is...an attractive sweet passionate arousing rush that could kill the spirit...not definitely...just possibly.

Some people can shove the thought away and live a mathematical equation where everything is portioned and calculated to their convenience...some others are not so organized when it comes to matters of the heart, they just seem to be amnesiac when it comes to emotions...I guess the whole body chemistry changes and turns the very logical well content person into...a love freak.

I'm not being so hard on those emotional fools...am I?

Well...may be I am ,yet being one of the previously categorized I totally excuse all dumb actions and the doped tranquility that drives them blindly into a very complicated situation where they eventually realize what a mess they've led themselves into yet bounce up and down like a child with the least hint of their loved ones.

The Love...The One...represent an attractive nuisance...I won't give the example of the butterfly / light thing cause I hate overused clichés...I'd rather see it as the lousy game stupid kids play. the chubby bunny thing ...imagine jeopardizing loosing your life to get the most quantity of candy up your throat...if you pulled it you'll have the rush of winning and the sweet taste of candy yet if you choke on it you'll loose your life!

I'm not exaggerating here...love doesn't kill...I know...but isn’t living with continuous hunger and starvation of that loved one isn't living at all...not to mention that living isn't a hot thing after all .

Yeah...some people will just look at it from their rainbow side and say..well...when it's true, mutual it will be heaven..

Well excuse me..but that's just bull we screw ourselves with...it's a rare rare chance that anyone could have that truly all life long..

Yeah, I've been cursed or maybe blessed by being the backstage girl where I see all hidden unrevealed ugliness of the great charade we're all playing...

Happily married couple...a perfect picture that makes all friends envious: wish you can see your hubbie screwing his best friend's wife when you were doing your facial!!

And very devoted husband who eats shit for his family and has no idea that his missy curses the day they met cause he hasn't bought her a convertible yet..

Many many other examples and yes truth hurts and yes YOU won't take this rationally cause no one - including me to an extent - likes to hear the ugly naked truth!

And the truth is...I can't live with it and I can't live without it and I'm falling real hard for the attractive nuisance.