Finding Neverland: ThOuGhTs

My wildest dream…

Mon, 25 Feb 2008 17:58:00 GMT

OK, so I have passed by the caller’s blog and checked this post.

I dunno but it tickled a dream that I have always had since I was a little girl, and thought about sharing it with everybody else…

So, MY WILDEST DREAM IS…

I want to be an Academy Award-winning (Oscar) screenwriter :D

It can’t get any wilder than that!!!... :D

PS. LAUGHES …GIGGLES … SMILES… AND ANYTHING RELATED TO “TEETH SHOWING” METHODS ISNT ALLOWED AFTER READING THIS POST!!! J

Belonging …

Mon, 25 Feb 2008 12:02:00 GMT

I have always wondered where is love… why it couldn’t find me… why when it found me it decided to flip away in a glance … why when it flipped away I decided that I want to try again… why when I decided to try again, Love couldn’t find me…

This issue keeps me wondering all day long, specially that I have everything anyone could ever want or need. I have a great family and great friends. I am also educated, I have a new good job which I am starting to enjoy from the bottom of my heart, I can afford doing whatever I like, and I am always willing to go through new life experiences, and last but not least, I know that I am survivor. Although I have my break downs but they aren’t many. They are just phases which I go through in order to maintain the balance and then I stand up and move on.

After thinking deeply about it, I discovered that it isn’t that I need love as a feeling. It is the sense of belonging. The sense of “being someone to someone”. The Sense of “being seen”.

When I reached to that point, I felt that I have been so unfair to the things that I have, and knew that I underestimated the impact of having my loved ones in my life.

I belong to them. And they belong to me, and this is what love really is, because at the end, Love isn’t all the complicated emotions that you have when you see someone whom you are attracted to. Because with time, these emotions will start fading and will be replaced with other types of emotions…comfort, relive, getting used to …..

Love is knowing that you are in deep shit but don’t simply give a damn wooden cent for it because the sense of belonging will lead you to a shoulder which you can lay your head on and simply know that everything is alright. So, it doesn’t need a special person to make you feel this way. It doesn’t need the presence of someone who chases you in your dreams.

This sense of belonging can be found everywhere. It is in the shining look of an orphan when someone cares, it is in a work that you like, it is in great friends that stick by your side, it is in the eyes of your parents, and it is in the family that you create. It is everywhere ….

So… for me it so unfair to search for love from one perspective only… Yes, I know many will say that we want to build new families, we want more than that… to those who say that, your belonging is imprinted in the picture of home, of kids, of a partner… but it will never be the only source of love that surrounds you… So build that base which will help you stand with your head raised high… and then, it’s never so bad to dream for more…

So, After all, searching for love is so peculiar… so strange … since you can find it everywhere around you… in many shapes and many forms… and these "loves" will always be a blessing you'll never know, unless you open your heart and soul for "them"...

Before turning 18!

Thu, 21 Feb 2008 11:57:00 GMT

Wonders and the caller tagged me!!!!! God, I have always loved the tag thingy =)

Here are the 6 things everybody should learn before they turn 18:

1- Don’t distinguish the person you are by looking through the eyes of others. The true person whom you want to be and who is actually “you” lays within your heart and your soul. People can underestimate or overestimate you, you are the only one who is capable of knowing your potentials, your true self, your passion, you strength and weaknesses and all that. Don’t wait for others’ flatters and compliments, and don’t be downhearted and inoperative just because someone felt like criticizing you (even if you felt it is right). Be strong, and be confident.

2- Be real, by all it means. Don’t paint your face, don’t try to be someone whom you are not, don’t make up stories to please people.

3- Don’t change for anyone, especially the loved ones. Someone out there will appreciate you for who you are.

4- Put a plan all together, work for it. AND try to have a backup plan if things go wrong. In other words, have a purpose. Your life will be easier if you know where you are heading.

5- Write the things you want to do in your life down , and read them every year on your birthday. This will always let you know how close you are to your dreams, how far, and how you are going to achieve them.

6- Let the love and the care of your family be the center of your attention. Love them back. I am writing this because of specific incident that had happened a couple of days ago. I know someone who has a great family, but searching for the love and attention outside, and is insecure for reasons I don’t know. Trust me, love always starts with the nearest circle, and then it grows outside. When you have a solid base, you will always know how to act when disappointments happen outside, you will never overreact. You will stand for a minute, think, get over it, and move on.

Well… That’s all for now =) I felt like writing more, but a rule is a rule after all..

Thanks wonders and the caller =)

By Being Us…

Sun, 19 Aug 2007 12:00:00 GMT

Faultlessness… excellence… precision… perfection…

As good as they may sound … for me all I can hear is:

Walking on the edge…Collapsing… falling down down… hitting the bottom…

It is so strange how people keep torturing themselves with perfection! I absolutely have no clue regarding the reasons behind it!!! I mean, why be perfect? Why lead a perfect life? Why be the perfect husband? Perfect daughter? Perfect friend? Perfect employee? Perfect mother? Really, why this obsession? Why be so serious regarding that?

It is so bizarre how people can actually take it to a level were they lie and actually believe it!!! For those whom actually are put in such a situation, I feel sorry for them…they are fooling the world… but I am sure when they put their heads on the pillows, they will be taken to another reality by the internal echo that is heard only by them…and this is a persecute …

I am not trying to sound like a happy-go-lucky human being, because I am not that careless… I do sometimes push myself so hard to get what I want, or at least try… But, I don’t think I have ever pushed myself to the extent were I lost what makes me ME…

From my point of view, you don’t have to pretend that you have it all while you don’t…nobody actually does, if we want to be accurate… There is always this lost piece of the puzzle which can't be found or be completed… So, the case isn’t about the completed picture… It is how you train yourself on how you look at it… and how to accept the messing piece…

To make the long story short, I do believe is that we all can be perfect by being the best we can be… by being us… not by having everything settled between our joint hands…

Silence... And... Perspectives

Wed, 04 Jul 2007 12:30:00 GMT

(1) Silence … It worshiped them… It venerated the two unique rhythmic heart beats… It always managed to survive within their presence, creating peace and calmness to the area they have occupied…Not a word is allowed to be spoken, not a single disturbance is permitted to happen within their communal moment…

That holy moment in time was created only for them, for their eyes to speak the sacred emotions and for their souls to unite to eternity… they were there… only the two of them… along with the silence…that was feeding each second that passed by with charm, and anticipation…

Silence was the only thing that they have ever needed… It was the shelter they have yearned for from the first moment they've figured out the existence of their other half…

(2) Different time… Same Place…another two … silence was keeping them accompany… not a word found its way out…not even a single disturbance tried to occur…it was as if time was frozen there…witnessing another love story…another unity… in that time and space… except that their eyes lost the glow that once shined in the eyes of their ancestors… They were searching for a miracle to repair the damage that had happened to what they have had… But the echo of their prayers, which was killed by silence, was the only answer they have gotten…

For me, Silence is just an illustration of how things have thousands of perceptions and perspectives… It is so unconventional for many of us to understand the opposite definitions and perspectives that can actually exist for the same entity…but this is how things actually work!

The world can't be compartmentalized… although people along the years tried to come up with methods and procedures to do so… But, each entity is labeled with its adjective, based on its case … Just like Silence… it can reflect its magical and passionate traits when two are longing for it as an existence of privacy and intimacy, but it can also reflect the natures of boredom and alienisms when the spring that combines two together starts to loosen its elasticity…

No need to be critical regarding anything in this world… you can't say that silence's presence reflects joint lives or torn ones…Each case is unique… No matter how hard others try to categorize things, with the "good" and the "evil" expressions, with the "successful" and the "failure" terms, with the "black" and the "white" phrases, with the "spiritual" and "secular" adjectives…. Still, it is hard to place the whole individuals or things at one level only…

It is a matrix that contains thousands of possibilities, which is ready to be mixed, and thus new events or new personalities will be created accordingly... Being judgmental by relaying on familiarity or on a specific experience will help not only in isolating you from experiencing new things, but also in creating a small container that will trap your thoughts and ideas and feelings from being freed……

Stare at me!!!

Mon, 21 May 2007 21:14:00 GMT

Yes…please do that… I want you to gaze at me…I want you to look intently…You are given the absolute authority to do that…and after that, I want you to hear me begging you … hear me imploring out loud, piercing your ears, deafening them…This is my command and you have to hear my call…You have to answer my inquiry…

You were endorsed to peer, and now you are required to react according to that reliance…

You have to enlighten me…

You have to inform me…

And just tell me…

What do you see, precisely???

**********************************

I am so confident that you have noticed the color of my skin, my gender, my race, my history, and my ancestors …

I am so certain concerning that, because in spite of everything, those shells are all what it matters to you… Why should you invest your time and effort in taking them off from my encrusted body, while it is easier to leave them on me, judge me, and then move on…

You think you have seen "ME", don't you?

Sorrowfully…

Your blinded mind overlooked my bare humanity, and your glassed eyes noticed everything but not the faked stratums that were covering my realism… while I am still there…hidden underneath all that…hidden under the deposited layers, which were created by circumstances, by fate, by everything and everyone else…But not me…

You have messed the chance to know the human being that I am…You messed the opportunity to be my colleague, or my friend or my partner … You messed the possibility of seeing my soul's light that glows and shines beneath all that …

It is so devastating to realize that you have created your trapped thoughts and your boundaries by your bare hands, and I am so certain that the interferences of your circumstances, your fate, your destiny and your ancestors in generating your mind don't exist by any means, and denying that isn't the key of your way out, as I'm aware of the fact that I haven't allowed them to break me or change the way I see myself and I have never relayed on them in giving me excuses to be cruel, mean, and judgmental, and I have never cursed them for giving you the power and the ability to judge me before identifying what I am really like.

Therefore, they WILL NOT be judged or even blamed…On your behalf…

"ThE SeCrEt"

Fri, 30 Mar 2007 13:47:00 GMT

A couple of days ago, I went over a friends' house because I haven't seen them for a very long time…When I got myself into the living room, I stood there for a second, trying to absorb what exactly was happening…

Instead of taking my part in the "Play Station" game they were discovering, or the cards' game they were playing or watching them dancing like psychos –as usual-, I saw everybody staring at the TV screen, watching a previously recorded episode of Oprah's Show!!!

For a second, I thought that everybody was taken over by an evil spirit or something, as I have never seen them so interested in shows like that…I didn't know why everybody were so focused on what has been said until I took my place and started watching myself…

Oprah has gathered numerous of guests, who are experienced in something called "The Secret"…

"The Secret" they were talking about, was the secret that helps you lead a successful life, or in other words, the life that we have always wanted and desired, by controlling your thoughts and ideas in a positive way that forces the worlds' positive energy to reply back…Based on a scientific evidence, which says that we are all made of energy and everything else in this world, the followers of such a principle takes it as a justification to their claims they were presenting…Unless you have good thoughts about yourself, the world will be harsh, since the positive energy interacts only with the positive energy...

From my point of view, I was so surprised that well-educated people –like my friends- started to soak up such a philosophy…

WHY??? You may ask…well…I have given it a thought, and this is what I came up with:

Opportunities…chances…any event that someone might face during his journey is a fact, and has nothing to do with energy…positive or negative…Such events are made of the interactions that happens between different people and the choices that were made…The difference that happens here, which makes a successful person and a lousy one, is based on their personalities and their self-image as well…

To make myself clearer…I have always imagined the personality and the self-image as a pumping system attached to a Sifter…

Strong, well-determinant personalities always pump in opportunities…They know what they want, what they are looking for…what they need…They "sniff" what makes them grow…The sifter they have will filtrate those chances that only suites them best according to their self-image…If they "see" themselves as manipulators, they will take the choices that fits best that category…if they "see" themselves as decent people, they will take the choices that guarantee that category…

As for the lousy personalities, they will suck in nothing…because they are so scared to take steps forward, and so their adoption to change won't exist, unless they learn how to have control over their life and the choices they make…

For me, and from what I have said above, I can safely say that "The Secret" is nothing but the ability of the human being to make choices…The ability to take a step forward…to be adventurous…and to know how to take the good events along with the bad in order to grow tougher and wiser…

After all, I guess they named it "The Secret" only to add suspense and anticipation to the story, because the human nature is always "allergic" to anonymity and mystery…

My New Birthday!...

Thu, 22 Feb 2007 14:26:00 GMT

It is never too late to look back and then decide to let go and move on…

That's what I am doing, and I am so blessed that I was given this inner strength that helps me not to act as a victim, but to act as a survivor, or –at least- as a normal human being…

The birth of this blog is my new Birthday… It is my inner revolution of winning what I deserve…Winning back my determination that helps me to be "me"…Not what Everybody else want me to be…But be "me"…and Only "ME"…