Finding Neverland: LeTtErs

I know now how it is like to be found by you… and only you

Tue, 26 Feb 2008 10:30:00 GMT

At all times… things can be easily said than done… but here… words are struggling their way out…

I can’t seem to express what I have inside, and it seems that I will never be able to prove that all the love and the care, which you have seen, was a very small portion of what I have within my heart…

It is so hard for me to let you know that, and feel it, as everything is vague and confusing inside me… How can I hand on all the mixed emotions that you make me feel, and after that make you feel them in return?...

Yes… mixed emotions…

you make me feel weak, since all I want to do is to give up everything, and change the human being that I am, because I want to be all what you want me to be… but yet you make me feel strong, because I know that you are where I want you to be, right here, by my side…

With all the love that you surrounded me, you brought joy and happiness to my life… but yet, brought misery and anxiety, since all I am worried about is to wake up one day and find you in another time.. Another place.. Somewhere else… Not there by my side anymore…

I love you because it’s you…because you rocked my world once and for all… because you make me laugh… because you make me cry… because you brought hope to my life… because you brought despair to my mind… I know that I love… with all my heart… and I know for sure that I hate you…because you waked up the crazy woman that was concealed inside me…because you made me wonder about you and me all day long … because you brought fretfulness to my sleepless nights… I hate you…because I was fine without you, as I had nothing to worry about.. I had Nothing to feel responsible for.. I had Nothing to mend because the coldness that folded my heart protected me from being crashed… protected me from every possible heart break… I hate you for melting the iciness that covered my life, and exposed me to a possible hurt… and you made my heart subjected to a probable healing process afterwards… I hate you… because I simply love you…

Your presence in my life made the impossible possible, you simply blended my feelings and their contraries in a logical and homogonous way….. For reasons I don’t know and I am not sure of… But all I can assure you is that, those fanatical and eccentric mixtures were what I have been longing for… all my entire life…

Yes, you twisted my mind and made my world go around in circles … with no end… but … All I know is that you made every breath I gasped worth it…

I don’t know where the life is going to take us… and I don’t know if destiny is going to be our best friend or worst enemy… But all I know for sure is that, the beats of our hearts will always keep beating at the same rhythm… because there is only one unique rhythm for the unique two… and my rhythm simply have found yours…

No matter where I am… No matter where you are…The phantom of your presence will always hunt me and keep my life so real… whatever I was doing and will do…I know that I will always be blessed… because once upon a memory… I was blessed by you and because of you…

I was lost … and found… and then lost again… but I have no regrets… because at least, I know now how it is like to be found by you… and only you… and this is something I will always cherish till the end of time… and will keep me alive till the last day of my life…

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I am not into writing love letters to someone… but I was asked to help a friend of mine, and didn’t know that I might actually enjoy it! J

So, no it isn’t for someone who made me feel this way… if you guys were wondering! J

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To Daddy...

Fri, 15 Jun 2007 22:49:00 GMT

Daddy,

I wrote this for your 53 birthday, and wanted to post it on that special day in order for you to read it, but you know, how lousy we are as a family in keeping surprises… We just don't know how to do that :)

Daddy,

Being on this day sends me back in time to the day when I was five years old, when you were trying to teach me how to tie my shoe laces, and I was arrogant enough to decide that I don't want to watch you and I started looking somewhere else rather than trying to learn… You smiled to me, you just knew that I was inherited your brain, and kept doing it anyway…

Being on this day sends me back in time, to the day when I was seven years old, when my sister and I entered the room, and saw the table lamp which we wanted for our room but never told you so, and you just felt that, and bought it to us… you were hiding under our studying table… happy to watch us delighted by your gift...Did you know that all what I have seen back then was that your light overshadowed the light of your gift???…

Being on this day sends me back in time when I was ten years old, when my baby sister was two years old back then, and she simply decided that she was old enough to put my mother's make up on!! She was confused when she saw the reflection of the work of art she had done on her face, she approached to you… You just looked at her, comforted her confusion with a gentle smile and a camera's flash…

Being on this day sends me back in time, when I was twelve years old, when I was sick, and you took me to the lab in order to do some tests… and helped me to feel comfortable to take my samples…That was a day that will always be detailed in my mind…

Daddy…

I really don't know, but this special day sends me back in time, to the sweetest memories, and to the toughest memories… and in each one of them you were there…With your presence, with your love, and with your support…

Daddy, you created an impossible formula that positions yourself in our lives with different roles…

you are having you as a brother, and as a friend, but also we are having you as a discipliner and as an advisor and as a father…

You taught me all I know about how to be myself, and how to be proud of the person that I am…and to never compromise with that… You taught me how to be serious, but also to be someone who's down-to-earth and someone whom you have fun around…You taught me how to have a price that can't be paid by anybody or anything… I learnt all that from you…

And you won't believe that, but the wrong decisions that I have made, I made them because I haven't actually paused and thought about them, as I knew if things go wrong, you will have my back… I was 110% certain about that…and I knew that you will be the shoulder that I can cry on and I knew that you will help in changing things for me if the path I have chosen led me to consequences I haven't thought about or considered … or at least , make me feel comfortable about it...

Daddy, I know that nobody's perfect… But you are… to my mother, to my sisters and to me… Words fall short to describe how amazing you are to us…

Daddy… I was blessed and honored from the first day I was born because I was brought to this world as your daughter, and it is something that I will always cherish and be thankful for…

I really wish I could pay back 1% of the joy and happiness that you brought and still bring to my life…I really wish I could pay back 1% of the support that you have provided and still provide me with… I really wish I could pay back 1% of all the understanding that you have showed and still show to me…

Daddy, Thank you for being who you are and Thank you for being my Dad…

Maybe all I want to say is that, I love you daddy…May Allah Bless you…