Finding Neverland: Hallucination

I want to be back….........

Mon, 18 Feb 2008 11:34:00 GMT

……. And enshallah I will J

Medication might cure a wound… but the scar will always remain to remind you of it….

Wed, 03 Oct 2007 10:46:00 GMT

Best healer it was called… for reasons I really have no clue about…

People tend to think that with time you will be able to wake up every morning, head to work or school and share a laugh or two… People tend to think that with time your heart might beat again… and it might… but…. There is nothing called healing if we want to be precise…

Does time have a specific formula which fabricates what was broken or raises a phoenix from the ashes, or washes away the disappointments and the unfaithfulness???…

Does time turn a lie into truth? Or change betrayals into honesty?...

Then… how come it is a healer???

There is nothing called healing… time only freezes the volcano concealed inside that shouts for salivation…

Time only numbs a feeling… but never take it away…

You think you have found your way and moved on… but… you are just ignoring the holes you left behind and you are just not looking back…

You think you mastered your annihilation techniques… but there is always this one moment that can take you back to that specific point of time where you lived all you fears and force you to relive them over and over again…

You think that you are ok… but the thing is… your soul was changed in the process… you aren’t the same human being that you used to be in that different time and place… So… yes you are ok… but you aren’t "you" anymore…

There will always be something that will hunt you down… whether you cared about it or ignored it or even pretended that you are way to far from being hunted by unforgettable past… deep inside, it will still know how to get you…

Cracked into million pieces…

Tue, 28 Aug 2007 19:52:00 GMT

A river stream imprinting the sides of a hard rock… A powerful roar rupturing the silence of a cold night… A sun rising through the surrounded mischievous black clouds… A merciful breath feeding slaughtered lungs…A relief incoming a crying heart… A smile is being drawn on a miserable face…

Those were what an eye could ever see… in her…

The bravery that shined through her eyes and the strength that was detonated by her actions were nothing but an affirmation to what was distinguished… a survivor, she was…

Nevertheless…

Digging deeper…beyond that cover… into that place… where the unspoken is heard… where the naked truth is tortured by the echo of reprimand… where secrets have no characterization… where every wrap is uncovered…

She knew… She was cracked into million pieces…..

Hunted by a past she wants to erase… The shadow of what went before keeps whispering in her ears all the time… cracking the ground under each step she's tying to take forward…

Although it is simple to forget that specific event, it is never easy to forget the impact of that one decision and the consequences that were resulted … It distorted her life once and for all… in every aspect of her life…And will keep going on the same rhythm…

She will live her life, knowing that it is impossible to turn back the time … to that precise moment, and change the turning point into another… She will live her life, knowing that things would've been different… not in a better way, or worse… But different...

She will keep going on… knowing that she will be hunted till eternity… not because she is the son of the devil … or an angel sent from God above… it's because she has taken a decision… not a destructive decision… or a harmless one… Only a decision…

She will wake up in every morning, knowing that the image which is seen by others is a big lie… and the remained cracks will never be put together… and if that miraculously had happened, the lines that once separated them will still exist… The cracks will never be whole again…

* Again… It is something I felt to write down… not related to me as a person…

Hallucinating…

Thu, 09 Aug 2007 13:08:00 GMT

I was doing OK… I was a zombie…a mechanical robot… I was a numbed being…I was a meaningless heartbeat… I was a soulless organism … I was something without what makes it that something…

I was doing just fine… Nothing to worry about… Nothing to feel… Nothing to heal…

I was empty… like a hollow, cracked jar…

Not a day came by and weighted something for me… Each day was just like the day before… and tomorrow was something that lost its meaning in my dictionary… tomorrow will be yesterday… and yesterday is something that is gone till eternity…

Despite all that…I was satisfied… I was in peace… neither volcanoes nor earthquakes tried to step near my brain… I was doing OK…

And so, I honestly have no clue of the reasons behind your trip to my deepest thoughts and wonders?

Why did you decide to materialize after all these years? Why you suddenly, and without any explanations, waked up the dead?

Why ?

What life? What dreams? I lost my track long time ago…

What do you want me to do? Declare my Rebellion?

Ok… But for what? For you?? For Illusion???

But, are you an illusion??? Are you a figment of my imagination??? Or are you out there, thinking why I came into sight as well???

Either this or that, you just added more bewilderment to the confusion I already have… And I am totally hallucinating right now because of you… and you'll never know that…

* This post is not based on a personal experience… it is just something I felt writing it down…