Scattered coins in my purse…

Tue, 15 Apr 2008 13:09:00 GMT

At a point, I doubted its existence, and thought that “destiny” is only a word that people invented, so they can use when a hard situation happens to them, or their loved ones.

For me, it was becoming a word that I don’t want to believe in, and then use it later for numbing a pain that was smashing my heart. I didn’t want vagueness to role my life, and take over my brain. I was so committed of knowing why and when things are happening, and I simply didn’t want to take “destiny” as an answer, and then turn the page and move on to another agony.

From a religious point of view, I turned into a Satan or something even worse. But for me, I simply wanted some answers. And at that time, destiny wasn’t the logical explanation I was looking for.

One day, my co worker came to my office, and started chatting. I wasn’t really interested in her conversation, and she noticed the boredom that took over all my facial expressions. She wanted to grab my attention, and so she pulled my bag from my table trying to tease me, and we heard the coins scattering inside. I knew at the moment that I have forgotten my purse opened, and so the coins found its way to my bag… a better place to breathe.

My co worker, looked and me, and in a funny way, said “whatever, you will collect them back later”..

At night, my mom asked me to tip the house keeper, and so I opened my bag, took my purse, went to the house keeper, and gave her what my mom asked me to.

It was next day’s morning. I had to hurry to work, I was LATE. I quickly got dressed, put my shoes on, grabbed my bag, and hurried down stairs.

I was thrilled when I found a cab going around in circles near my house, as if he knew I was late. I ran to him, and asked him to drive me to work...

Arriving 5 minutes later, it was time to give the driver what he deserves. I opened my bag…and… for a split second I couldn’t even breathe. The purse wasn’t there! DAMN IT! I must have left it at home when I tipped the house keeper.

I didn’t know what to do, because… I HAVE FORGOTTEN MY CELL PHONE TOO! I can’t call my friends or any co worker, and even if I wanted to they might be at a meeting, and I can’t ask strangers for money, but at the end the driver should be paid. I decided to go back home, and put my position on risk, since a very critical meeting should be conducted in 3 minutes, and I had to be there.

BUT!!! I remembered that I heard the scattered coins moving around in my bag when I grabbed it, when I ran down the stairs, when I opened my bag and searched for my purse… I, strangely, have totally forgotten to collect them and put them back in my purse, since they create the most annoying sound when the impact occurs between them.

I decided that I should collect them, and see if I can pay the guy. And for my ultimate surprise, they were the exact amount I had to pay.. And I did…

I finished the meeting… and sat for a minute … just thinking…. Why my colleague pulled my bag? Why I have forgotten to close my purse? Why the coins were scattered?..why .. why… many whys…

Again, I had no answer…

My image was saved, and by what? By worthless scattered coins…

A strange feeling tickled my heart, and brought tears in my eyes…

Now.. just now… I can say that I believed… and that I am a believer….

Because sometimes, answers can’t be afforded...

You just have to believe.

I want to be back….........

Mon, 18 Feb 2008 11:34:00 GMT

……. And enshallah I will J

Finding Neverland: Very Personal

Scattered coins in my purse…

I want to be back….........